Jan 2, 2009

Sayonara, 2008

















Adorable drawing care of the Esq's talented aunt over at Art for Daily Life.

I failed last year, because I never wrote a '2008 Highlights' post, and ANYONEWHO'SANYONE does a '2008 Highlights' post. I know this because every blog I went to had their year in review, like I didn't just suffer through the same year with them. Sure, your 2008 was vastly different from my 2008; in fact, I just got here--I'm new to Earth! I guess if you're an Amish kid who just discovered the demonic zipper, or FALKOR from The Neverending Story, maybe your year was completely different from mine--though I might question how you have access to the internet when electricity is banned from your Pennsylvania village, or how you even own a computer when you're a flying luckdragon--oh! Probably with luck.

Point being, I'm not sure I could tell the difference between blog posts; the same stuff showed up on every single list. It was laughingly predictable. BEST: Obama. WORST: Economy. RIP: Heath Ledger only. *LOL* MOMENTS: Anytime Sarah Palin opened her trap or Tina Fey imitated. FAVORITE NEW POLITICAL FACE : Maddow. FAVORITE FLICK: Iron Man--because he was hot? and smart? and wanted to banish, like, evil and stuff? SEXIEST NEWCOMER: Twilight! Twilight! Twilight! ...really? That kid? He's like a femme, Germanic Harry Potter. But to each his own.

Now that we're well into 2009, I can look back on 2008 objectively and say it was a total wash. I did nothing interesting except go to killer shows, throw kickass parties, and rip the religious right newer, better assholes; finally, life has meaning again. The one thing I did this year with excellence was start this blog, coming from three years of blogging on Myspace, with a first post that recognized this blog would eventually change--and has it ever. I've changed, too, becoming a kindler, gentler person who enjoys making people cry, a person who revels in your failures. 'A better person', is the phrase I'm thinking of; that's what you're thinking, too.

My personal highlights of 2008 also include some of the *YAWN* answers that I read elsewhere; I'll try to make them as unique as possible. If I forgot something you feel should be included, leave your suggestion in the comments. Enjoy!

THE SNOTTIEST HIGHLIGHTS OF 2008

The biggest 2008 shout-out goes to Jesus, God, and Allah, the not-so-original holy trinity for whom thousands upon thousands of people died this year, which has been an annual tradition for the last forty billion years. If there is one thing people refuse to learn, it's that religious wars aren't started so they can end peacefully: peace isn't the point. Jesus and God were the center of so many political tragedies this year, but these were my all-time favorites: the Helen Keller-like acceptance of Sarah Palin, the promotion of hatred and inequality in the pulpits to support Proposition 8, and the nationwide atheist 'scandal' that took over the halls of our Washington state capitol. I was amazed these deities had time left over to party, but party they did, all over Hamas' face. To the person who emailed me yesterday, assuring me that the church is a beautiful safe haven that awaits me with open arms--and sent a photo of Jesus as an attachment, as though we'd never been formally introduced--please tell that to the people who are dying. I get the feeling, though, that people dying in the Middle East over a deity you don't personally worship won't rate too high on the Give-A-Shit meter; that's how a lot of people in this country act. A benevolent, loving God, indeed.

To understand why I won't be writing about the Israel-Palestine situation--at all, ever--read this.

I'd like to thank Victoria Jackson for this statement about Barack Obama, whom I personally voted for in 2008:
"I don't want a political label, but Obama bears traits that resemble the anti-Christ and I'm scared to death that uneducated people will ignorantly vote him into office." Read the rest, here. I think Victoria Jackson's photo can be found under the phrase 'ignorantly voted' in the dictionary.

The award for BEST WORST BLOGGING goes to: K.Lo (Kathy Jean Lopez) at the National Review Online, for her horrible imitation of the abominable Ann Coulter; but K.Lo will never be Ann. She's too weighed down by her own stupidity; at least Ann is entertaining in a 'what will Satan do next?' kind of way. What I loathe about K.Lo's blog is that half is made-up mumbo-jumbo (she rarely checks her facts, just throws caution to the wind), and the other half is filled with religious warrioritis, a condition that many NRO bloggers are afflicted with. Luckily, she's unencumbered in the brain department, so reconciling these two things with her awful writing style makes for an interesting political trainwreck. One of her articles, called Free Sarah Palin!, was a personal favorite of mine.

Award for Dumbest Fucking Thing I've Heard All Year, Maybe My Entire Lifetime:
Mr. Ben Stein.

My favorite Snotty blog posts of 2008 were probably about Heaven, or maybe Sex Education. The two are not related. Oh, also the story about poop. 'Twas the first, and only, blog post the Esq and I wrote together. :)

We threw a party that got press, for the first time ever. Oh, the pride.

Speaking of pride, we marched for the gays--and for their rights to get equally divorced, just like everybody else--and it was awesome. I marched with all my might and main, whatever that means.

Some of my favorite websites/blogs from 2008 include:

Art for Daily Life
Bake and Destroy
Daily Dish
Etsy
The Huffington Post
Dooce
sweet|salty
The Verbal Cartoonist
Mornings with NPR
Cakespy

Favorite newfangled internet thingamajig: TWITTER.

Best shows we saw this year: Helio Sequence, Santogold, Cut Copy and The Presets, Justice, Hot Chip, Fujiya & Miyagi, Lykke Li, Tom Morello & Co., and more--but I can't remember them all. Too much fun, had by us!

Favorite video of 2008, methinks.

There are so many other things that made 2008 great--my family, Justin's family, my sweet son, an amazing boyfriend, beautiful friends, the ability to eat bacon whenever I want in moderation, getting out of a job industry I hated--but I'm looking forward to a healthy and *fruitful* 2009 (fruitful=getting on Oprah and then cashing in). 2009 is the springboard I've been waiting for, the Big Jump into new ventures and possibilities; I'm excited to share them with you guys. And now: bacon nom nom.

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

How about including all of the innocent babies killed this year from abortions, which you so publicly endorse? How about all of your righteousness this year? Will know one ever point the finger at you?

You can't -stop- being a heathen just because you've turned a new page into 2009. You don't need to accept Jesus into your heart, jsut humility--after that, He'll take over for you. I pray for you a lot.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

No religious banter would be complete without an anonymous comment from you.

How old are you, forty-three? Fifty? If I could late-stage abort you, I would; I wonder what the cut-off age is.

I don't *want* to stop being a heathen, which is your term for what you think my life is like. I'm not a heathen--I'm an opinionated, socially-liberal female. Oh! Another phrase for 'heathen', I'll bet.

And I like flying my own spaceship with my own fairy-tale characters. Again: you keep Jesus, I'll keep having fun without you.

Point the finger all you want: look at me, being righteous and rejecting Jesus! 2009 is gonna be a SCORCHER.

Tobias! said...

OMG GIRL, YOU TELL HER. (or him?) This is a good list. I also liked your skull-fucking review, that was the shiz!

Snotty McSnotterson said...

I forgot about the skull-fucking. I'll have to include it at some point. Thanks for the reminder!

I don't know what Anonymous is; 'sad sack' is the only phrase that comes to mind, but it's without gender. Does it really matter?

Anonymous said...

I sent you the picture of Jesus, but only so you would have a reminder of what's MISSING in your life.

You're not there yet, but if you ever are, you can talk to me! You have my email.

"JC Fan"

Snotty McSnotterson said...

JC Fan, I was hoping you might send me a picture of a big pile of money, because that's the only thing missing from my life right now--I have everything else I could ever want. But thanks for the thought. Again, though--the prayers are unnecessary. Pray that you might see another side of religion, since I've already walked your path.

Anonymous said...

Rude.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Heathen!

MikeD said...

Where are all these religious people coming from, anyways? I like this post, although it's pretty meaty. It'll take me a week to get through all the links (I always like your links)!

Happy New Year, Snotty!

Snotty McSnotterson said...

There are a couple of religious blogs I comment on, plus there was a Myspace group of religious retards who boycotted me PUBLICLY, meaning they all started coming here and never fucking left.

Believe me, I didn't invite them. Only their wrath. :)

Hey, it's discourse, or at the very least, entertainment. I won't knock it. They make up something like 27% of my readers, which is a lot. That's a lot of people coming here every day to disagree with me.

Happy New Year to you, too! I hope I see you more in 2009. XO

Reluctantreader said...

I am one of the people who never comment, but followed you from Myspace--my gf posted this review on her bulletin today, mostly because of the comments.

I consider myself a fairweather Christian, so I'm telling you up front that I'm probably a hypocrite. I like the church i go to every so often, and enjoy the support I get there. I don't know if God exists, but I believe that there's something greater than myself, and that I should work to better myself because of it. Are you going to call me an f-ing jerkoff or scoff at my life just because God is a part-time character within it?

No one can know everything, all the time--you say we're believing in a fairy tale, well what do YOU believe in?

I read your blog not because I'm religious, but because I have a sense of humor. I wish you were more open-minded about people like me, though. We're all trying to work it out.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Reluctantreader, good comment. Good questions, too.

To me, a fairy tale is something that can't be proved by science, or something I can't see with my own two eyes; I'm not saying that it won't happen some day, only that the evidence to support the God/Jesus/Allah delusion is completely based on what Man has told us. I never liked the game 'Telephone' when I was a child, because the message always got scrambled up--and I like my messages without any third-party bullshit. I see religion, or at the very least, churches, as that third-party bullshit.

I respect what you're saying, I like that you're realistic. I understand being a part of a community, having support, working towards the greater good; I just don't think I need God to experience those things.

I would never call you an 'f-ing jerkoff' just because God is a part of your life, although I would probably would point out that you called him a 'part-time character', which sounds like something out of a book. A fairy tale, even.

I believe in creating support for yourself, finding a community based on your likes/hobbies/talents, and working towards the greater good because you want to, not because Santa might slap you on the wrist. Not because you feel you need to impress anyone. Not because you're afraid of what happens if you don't.

I understand why people need a higher power--I get it more than anyone could ever imagine. But most of my friends, especially the devout ones, got closer to God when their life was shit. They had a hole somewhere, and didn't know how to fix it--they got pregnant, divorced, lost a job, got depressed, hit by a car, hit by lightning, whatever--and so they turned to God. I get it. I've done it. But I don't like that religion is based on this concept of 'not being whole', and when you finally fill that void up with God, somehow you're whole again. To me, self-reliance is the harder way to go, but also more rewarding.

That's just how I see it. And no, I don't have to be more open-minded, not if I don't want to: this is my blog. But I thank you for your comment anyways-- please send me an email if you want to continue this. I welcome the chance to speak with you again.

Anonymous said...

Once a whore, always a whore.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

I...what?

Mike said...

Heathen! And also... bacon!

Snotty McSnotterson said...

A bacon heathen! Even better. :) Now I just have to find room for the word 'whore'. I can't believe I got called a whore. Again.

Kristina Jensen said...

I love the random whore comment, ??

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Kristi: SERIOUSLY. I think it was your mom. :) Maybe mine.

Comments like that make me laugh. I've been called way worse!

Monique said...

Maybe Heathen, Bacon Whore would be a good way to go. It is interesting how worried people are for your soul, especially the anonymous ones. Maybe no one will have quite the same level of wit in Heaven. I shall be quite happy to have you in hell with me so I can continue to laugh my ass off.
Happy New Year!

MLeana said...

I think it's interesting you didn't answer the question about abortion. I'm just saying. I'm not a militant pro-lifer, but I thought Anonymous had a point.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

'How about including all of the innocent babies killed this year from abortions, which you so publicly endorse?'

How is that even answerable?

My response to that question, since I didn't answer it good enough for you, is: HUH. How 'bout that.

I think of it more as 'including all of the fetuses who have no innocence because they have no feelings who were legally terminated and spared awful lives with parents who didn't really want them, or who couldn't provide stability for them at the time.'

And I publicly endorse THAT, yes.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Monique! "Heathen, Bacon Whore" has a nice ring to it; I think I'll put it on my business cards from now on.

We shall party in Hell together, and it shall be glorious. Happy New Year to you, too!!

Buttercup said...

*cough*

RIP Estelle Getty.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

*snort*

MAY SHE REST ON SHINY GOLDEN PILLOWS IN THE SKY!

Buttercup said...

....and now that I have read all the comments....

WHORECHACH!

Snotty McSnotterson said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I like that one. Reminds me of my old roommate, Kyle. He would have liked meeting or making fun of a whorechach like me.

Manthony said...

I'm intrigued by the photograph of Jesus Christ that you were emailed. I'll assume it was actually a painting since there wasn't photography back then, or maybe a modern photographer's interpretation of Jesus. Or maybe someone went back in time with a Polariod camera which would be really kick-ass!

Really though, it was nice to read some interesting dialogue between different viewpoints. Too bad when some people revert to name calling (such as "whore") which doesn't seem particularly Christian in sentiment or action.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

I feel like '...and they sure didn't ACT like Christians!' is a common phrase heard fairly often. That's because they're usually Christian, and never Christ-like.

Jesus was a dope guy--I never said he wasn't. He had good things to teach and helped people in need. Do I think he was the son of God? Well fuck no. But that doesn't mean he didn't exist, or do good things with his life. And yet I rarely meet Christians who do as Christ would have done, or who treat people as Christ would have treated them. Jesus worked with lepers and shit, do you think he would have denied love, equality, housing, forgiveness, or aid to someone today? Apparently those who hate the gays think Jesus was a petty, compartmentalizing asshole who would turn his back on a group of minorities, when I think his teachings had more to do with taking care of your own business with God, rather than getting into everybody else's.

Wait, what was the question? Oh, I think it was a Polaroid. *rawk*

Joanna said...

Sn0tty, we can be whores together. I share your beliefs to a T.

Besides, hell is where the real party is. All my favorite jazz musicians are there. The only people who make it to heaven are Mormons who make things out of egg cartons. For fun.

Keep it up, girl! I love you.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

I LOUDLY laughed at your comment. Super loudly.

I <3 you, Joanna!

Manthony said...

Re: Your comments on Jesus' dope-ness

Word.

Re: Egg carton crafts

You mean I've been throwing away or recycling egg cartons all of these years when I could have been making neat craft projects out of them?

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Oh my god, that comment killed me. It was a total milk-out-the-nose scenario, only I wasn't drinking milk. All I could think of was the Mormon faction of my family doing crafts with that stuff--I KNOW they don't.

Furtive Flatulence said...

Is it a prerequisite for the religious anonymous comments to contain spelling and grammar errors?

In a sense, JC Fan did send you a picture of a big pile of money, because Jesus gets a big stash every Sunday. They throw it at him like drunk buffoons on sniffer's row.

Also, WHY is it that these followers concern themselves with *your* blog and *your* opinions and yet, can't reveal themselves as the soul-savers they assume themselves to be?

They read your blog, get offended and leave behind their judgmental drivel. Even I have this down.

WHY ARE YOU SO CONCERNED WITH SNOTTY'S OPINIONS AND VIEWPOINTS!?

So much for living peacefully, lovingly and respectfully alongside our fellow man.

It was behavior like this that pushed me out the sanctuary doors. I do not regret it.

Sorry Snotty.
End of rant.

Jenny B said...

I'm pretty sure that the Amish, with their rolling fire place insert heater things are going to heaven, too. But remember: limit 2 per household.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

FF, no one is really *concerned* about my opinions... they're just bored. :) OR: on fire for the Lord. Either way, cool.

But yeah, I wonder what's up with the random misspelling. Am I getting Punk'd? Or are the kids not calling it that these days? Fuck, I feel old sometimes.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Jenny--did you mean limit 2 per household in Heaven? Because if that's the case, Mormons are in trouble. As are the Catholics. But I'll be fine. Sweet!

Lump said...

holy shit, I am so not ANYONE I didn't do my 2008 highlights. probably because there weren't any. except for everything you mentioned. YAY OBAMA!

I do have to say in 2009 I will still think the Old Testament is the best work of fiction ever.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

YES, LUMP. YES.

barbjensen said...

Oh man, me and dooce in the same list. Oh man.
:)

Snotty McSnotterson said...

And you were first! :)