Jan 25, 2009

"World Peace."
















Miss America 2009 was on a couple of nights ago; we stopped to watch a couple of the girls do their 'thing', whatever that entailed. None of them impressed me (I say that like any of them ever have), and during the Evening Gown competition - also known as THE GLITTERY TRAIN TO NOWHERE - one fun-lovin' contestant said something like:

Blah blah blah beauty - skin deep - blah blah what's in your heart that matters - blah blah chance of a lifetime - blahdy blah blah "because beauty and happiness should come from the inside and just OOZE out of you!"

AND SCENE.

Snotty: Oh my GOD.
Esq: Yes, Miss America should be more OOZING.
Snotty: (laughing)
Esq: That's the best word you could come up with? How about 'ejaculate'? How about you VOMIT happiness all over America?
Snotty: *dies*

So that's what beauty pageants are all about: vomiting beauty and ejaculating happiness. I always wondered. Now it all makes sense.

Last year's Miss America was from Farmington Hills, Michigan, and her platform issue was, ironically, vomiting. Or rather, raising awareness of eating disorders. She was also a teenager, had nothing listed under "Talent" on the official Miss America website, and apparently 'can't live without Vitamin B!!!' This year's winner was Katie Stam, who inspired nothing in me except the strong desire to punch a midwestern beauty queen. God Bless America.


12 comments:

Jenny B said...

Heard that. Your thoughts on Miss Hawaii being left in the dust after her Tahitian booty dance? Was it too hot? I liked her, and was surprised that others with less uh, talent, got to move on...

Snotty McSnotterson said...

I never saw Miss Hawaii, but now I have to YouTube it - that sounds awesome. :)

And Jenny... YOU were watching Miss America???

Tobias! said...

Girl I totally watched this and it was so boring. All of the girls were just... YAWN.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Agreed. The evening gown competition was brutal--I've never seen anything tackier in my life.

Jenny B said...

WHA? Why wouldn't I be watching Miss America? I have all kinds of...hobbies.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Me...too.

will.eye.am said...

i was all about miss hawaii. that girl could shakeshake SHAKE it.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Well NOW I have to go YouTube it, because two of you have mentioned her.

matt said...

I have no (polite) words to express my disgust at this annual horror-show. If I am misfortunate enough to happen across the program while it's on, I am suffused with the urge to plaster Mr Yuk stickers over evry milimeter of the screen.

*shudders*
*throws up a little in mouth*

Manthony said...

I just had to go YouTube "Miss Hawaii." Um... wow.

But my favorite part was one of the recent user comments that said, "Ah the hypnotic dance of the frayed tampon."

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Matt, I can't see you ever liking Miss America. Unless she was dancing on your face or something.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Manthony, that is hysterical. Frayed tampon, indeed. I'm heading to YouTube NOW.