Jan 31, 2009
(I'm selling these and another pair on Craig's List right now--but since the other ones are on the teal side of the color spectrum, and somewhat *blingy*, I couldn't bring myself to admit publicly that I'd bought them.)
Entitled: ***Are You An Orc? Or Perhaps Half-Giant?***
Are you related to Hagrid from the Harry Potter series? Were your ancestors jolly, green, or giant in any way?
Are you a big girl with no fear of heights, or an even bigger drag queen with fabulous taste in shoes? DO YOU HAVE ENORMOUS FEET?
If you answered 'Yes!' to any of these questions, then I have the shoes for you!
I bought these 3-inch heels (size 13--I'm a 12, but they're small) in a feeble attempt at warding off my thirties, but here I am at thirty-two: that plan failed miserably. They're adorable and super fun--but only to look at. The punchline is: I paid over $300 for these two pairs of Linea Paolo heels, but I never actually wore them. Well, I wore the black ruffly ones to The Mercury on Capitol Hill, but you know how their gothy patrons dress; no way could those shoes compete with the Glittery Emo Parade in such dark and smoky quarters. I learned something valuable that night, something I will never, ever forget: fat people and peeptoe shoes have parallel purposes in life. Much like in Ghostbusters, you should never cross the streams.
Make me an offer I won't refuse. They're very cute, but I'm never going to wear them; I've made my peace with kitten heels and Frisbie-sized flats. Buy my shoes and take them out dancing! Your feet, and my kicks, deserve it.