Is Cat Poop Controlling You?

The Dauphin of France and his sister are living with parasites; not figuratively. Literally. Martina Navratilova and Arthur Ashe were infected, too. And Louis Wain, a prominent cat artist, developed schizophrenia which some believed was due to this parasite--and a result from his prolonged exposure to cats.

You might be living with this parasitic disease, too: TOXOPLASMOSIS. The Esq explained this above diagram to me in a very academic manner : "Cats poop, you eat the poop, and now it's in your brain." The parasite apparently increases boy births in humans and is a possible path to schizophrenia; behaviorally, it's said that infected men are bigger assholes and infected women are warmer, which makes sense--because nice girls always like total jerkoffs. The most unbelievable part of this story is that up to one-third of the world's population is infected by it, although only 1-in-10 Americans have it; the discrepancy is explained by our diet and hygiene: France, a country of raw meat lovers, has a higher percentage of people infected with toxoplasmosis, as does India, a country struggling with sanitation challenges. Still, 1-in-10 people you know is A LOT; that could be your husband, your best friend, your sister. She could be infected with a parasite RIGHT NOW that lives in her beloved cat, Mr. Peepers, that somehow finds its way to her brain, and then controls how she reacts or the gender of her unborn child. Or you could go to their house, and Mr. Peepers might take a shine to you, and make you dance like a meat puppet. I'm sure it's not that easy, but COME ON--that's almost incomprehensible. I grew up with cats, but I can tell I'm totally fine; you guys, on the other hand, are probably going to die.

Of course, there were some 'citations needed' in the Wiki entry, but I still say you guys are totally screwed. This is the 'secret reason' the Esq vetoed a cat, besides being allergic and generally hating them; I not-so-secretly agree. I like this freakishly adorable kitten, and I love Toast, but now that I'm probably a host for some microscopic douchebag, I'm swearing off cats FOREVER. From now on, I'm sticking to bunnies.