Three Shindigs: A Review

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PARTY #1: KARAOKE MADNESS

Karaoke isn't for everyone--unless you're from Japan--but we managed to round up seven soloing peeps for a karaoke party last Friday, thanks to the Griz and his Singing Machine of Doom.














Highlights include: rearranging Ben's refrigerator magnets to maximize his refrigerator's potential; a 60-minute, seven-person singalong to the Beatles, Journey, and the Indigo Girls; and finally, all of us FREAKING OUT when the Esq stepped in to rap--RAP!--the entire Outkast song, 'Miss Jackson', with what can only be described as 'serious professionalism.' If you have time, watch the OutKast video and try, if you can, to imagine the Esq doing a perfect imitation of Andre 3000 around 2:38. Pure comedy, that guy.

I'm not kidding, the white guy killed it.














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PARTY #2: WINTERFEST

I love the gays, good punch, snow and drama--so we headed to Jenny and Shannon's big holiday celebration in the Greenwood area on Saturday. I met two of the most adorably snarky gals, one with a Gucci handbag (he works for BagBorrowOrSteal.com!), and one with a glittery Santa candle he "won" in the white elephant gift exchange. I kept calling it the Santa vibrator--that made it seem less tacky somehow.














[Mr. Gucci]














[Good Vibration Santa]

The party was super chill, and well-attended by a diverse group of people. Highlights include: playing outside in the snow; watching all the dogs freak out (there were approximately 8,576,238,410 dogs there, since Jenny is their professional dog-walking lord and master); gossiping in the bathroom 'til we were blue in the face; and falling on Jenny's amazing squash-fennel-bacon appetizer like a pack of rabid animals.














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PARTY #3: CHOW FOODS DEBAUCHERY

Besides a shocking lack of bacon in an otherwise amazing buffet, this party was excellent. If I had to choose one photo to represent the ridiculous amount of fun we had last night, it would probably be this one:














This was taken at Alison's house, in between the official party at Atlas and the afterparty at Smith. We had some fun with that wig, let me tell you.














[Double Trouble: Whoreleen & Chef Em]

Highlights include: pre-funking at Whoreleen's house to Dr. Dre, doing makeup and watching A Nightmare Before Christmas; riding bitch in the crowded backseat and singing 'Fat Guy In a Little Coat'; Whoreleen's Angel of Death WINGSPAN, which was 25 feet away but still poking me in the eye; the food, glorious food; that awful wig; and dancing with a bunch of boys who had no shame in their game. I appreciate guys who like to dance, and go for it on the dance floor. It's like throwing a baby in a pool, hoping it can swim--but instead of drowning on the spot, the baby starts doing synchronized swimming. That's how I feel about men on the dance floor: pleasantly surprised and weirded out.













Thanks to all who have invited me to your gatherings and holiday celebrations! There were eleven parties on the calendar for this month, and only four more until Christmas... no wonder I'm so freaking tired. If only I was like Paris Hilton and got paid to show up at functions. I can't believe I just wrote, 'if only I was like Paris Hilton'. I'm calling it a day.