Dec 10, 2008

12/10/08: Your New Favorite Day

First off, two of your favorite people were born today: recently-scandalized Illinois governor, Rod Blagojevich, who apparently does have a price, and the adorably big-boned Cosby twink and former Cheetah girl, Raven-Symone of Nickelodeon's 'That's So Raven!' Otis Redding died in a plane crash, 41 years ago today, as did Damon Runyon (from cancer), a journalist whose short stories inspired my favorite musical, Guys and Dolls. Ironically, the Dow Jones hit a record of 3740.67 on December 10, 1993 (eww, I was 16), and the second part of Hitler's Mein Kampf was published on this day in 1926 (squee!).

This is but a small slice of today's date in history; I aim to make it sweeter, while also making it salty--because today's post is all about BACON.

"Oh, Snotty," you cry, "not ANOTHER post about bacon. Surely you can't love bacon that much?!" Questions like that make me want to kill your family members; surely you don't love them at all?!

I found some bacon-related products that brought the spirit of Christmas back into my heart, and it's all thanks to Etsy. Check out my favorites:

I love you, too, bacon! Bacon is always so thoughtful. These cards are available at SweetMeats.

One small step for man, one giant leap for bacon. More bacon prints at the MrToastStore.

Thanks to the awesomely bad movie, 9 1/2 Weeks, I'll never bring food into the bedroom--but I certainly don't mind wearing it. This yummy BLT necklace can be found at peachblock's shop.

I love pins and magnets, because they're like tiny works of art that go on your refrigerators or bags, and yet when I inevitably lose them, I'm only down fifty cents. Get your own to lose at KungFuCowgirl.

Bacon appreciation needs no teeth, only recognition; finally that screaming pile of baby can be useful to you. Make them the immobile advertisements you've always dreamed of, with this bacon onesie, found at tater tuts.

Trying to impress the boss at work? Hoping for a bigger bonus, or maybe even a raise? Then look no further! This Meat Grinder Screenprinted Pork Necktie is a must for any half-blind pseudo-professional. Visit the toybreaker shop for more amazing options.

Nothing is better for a diet than crocheted fattening breakfast foods, as seen at NeedleNoodle.

I had to include this, because it's totally disgusting--yes, the plate of bloody pig stumps is gross, but the product description by the artist is even worse:

'Severed pigs feet dinner plate:'

'This plate is perfect for your favorite carnivore, vegetarian, even vegan! This is a handthrown porcelain plate decorated with handpainted underglaze pictures of the cutest chopped off pig's feet... complete with bloody stumps!'

I know a lot of carnivores, a bunch of vegetarians, and a handful of vegans--and this doesn't seem like the kind of plate any of them would want to eat from. I wouldn't even eat BACON from this plate; it's just too bloody, and for that matter, too stumpy. But I do wonder what the artistic thought process was like. 'I'm feeling really creative today... I'm totally going to "think out of the box". What is there a need for?... hmmm.... well, everyone knows there's a shocking lack of dinnerware featuring severed animal body parts... and today, I'M GOING TO FILL THAT NEED!' Bleh. Her entire Etsy shop is filled with this stuff; it's very, very disturbing interesting.

Dress your boobs in breakfast every day with this sizzling scarf from kungfumonkeyrobot. You won't be cold or sorry.

Don't forget to tip your bacon; Seacrest, OUT.


Manthony said...

A beautifully crafted blog post. Your promise of bacon-related products did not disappoint (unlike say, Wendy's Baconator sandwich).

Also, if you don't know about it already, you might want to check out for further bacon musings and stuff.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

I'm amazed at how many bacon websites I do NOT know about. (She said while eating Bacon Salt.)

Kate said...

So hungry...for bacon.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

I think you might be hungry for severed animal parts that are still bleeding... isn't that what the pack of babies roving inside of you are craving?

We need to rock out with our bacon out before you pop that baby out and go back to being *hork* vegan. It's necessary.

Lump said...

hahah yes. I'm getting the attorneys I work for the necktie. They will LOVE ME. :)

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Who could resist a lawyer in a bacon tie? NOT ME. I think I'm going to buy one for my lawyer right *now*.

matt said...

I came across a recipe for carmelized bacon the other day. I'll have to find that for you. It is sweet+bacon, which, as we all know, =happeh Snotteh.
Also came across a tantalizing recipe for trotters. If I still cooked as much as I used too, I would totally order that severed-trotter plate and be happy as a pig-in-poo.
I want that plate.
Or a whole set of them...

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Listen. If you're going to come to this blog and bring nothing but empty promises, I will totally find you and you will know the wrath of my mother, which is where I got MY wrath, and she's one scary mofo. Do not tease me on this, Matt. If there's caramelized bacon to be had, I'd better be having it in the next four minutes.

Mathias N Oz said...

I wonder if the make bacon scented hand soap?

Snotty McSnotterson said...


Manthony said...

Whoa, did I just read something about carmelized bacon? I think I felt the earth move...

matt said...

You can make this up to 3 days in advance. Keep in a tightly sealed container at room temperature. This is a dish that can't be ruined. You can freeze the leftovers. But why are there leftovers?

1 pound bacon
1 1-pound box light brown sugar (about 2 1/4 cups)

1 Go to a butcher and spend as much money as you have on good bacon. Cut it into medium thick slices, say, 3/16th of an inch.
2 Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Line a large, rimmed cookie sheet with parchment paper. Dump the sugar into a big bowl. Add a 1/4 cup of water, so that the sugar is more than damp, but less than soupy. Some carmelizers add a dash of cayenne, but I think this makes the dish too nutritious.
3 Dredge the bacon in the sugar, one slice at a time. If the sugar isn't sticking to the bacon, add some more water 1 tsp at a time until it sticks. Place the bacon on the paper. Smear some more sugar on top of the bacon, on the theory that if a little sweet is good, more is better.
4 Place the bacon in the oven. How long you leave it in should depend on whetjer you like bacon crispy or chewy (perhaps 8 - 13 minutes per side?). You should take yours out when it resembles the kind of bacon you like to eat. Cut it into roughly 1 1/2-inch triangles. Serve at room temperature. Serves 8 to 10. Or Snotteh and Manthony.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

For SHIZ, dude, and we're getting it from MATT. I know where he works.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

OMG Matt... you have been officially named 'Favorite Blog Commenter' by Snotty herself. But I'm going to need that in physical form within a few hours. (That's what she said.)

Anonymous said...

Caramelised Bacon... Sounds like a lot of porkies to me. OMG how ghastly!

Bacon steaks, half inch thick, grilled to perfection with mashed potatoes and oodles of butter, vege(s) of choice, cauliflower w/cheese sauce. Great meal. Can replace bacon with 3/4" ham.


BTW, I jumped the fence from Comedy Goddess, blame her.

Anonymous said...

Have to apologise for being so presumptious, I added you to my favs... Sorry.


chris hale said...

Hi, SMS. Excellent post.

Is this a porktree? No, it's a hambush!

Seriously, if you like all things porcine, check out:

It's a London restaurant where the proprietor champions 'nose to tail eating.' I think he uses everything from the pig apart from the oink.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Argentum Vulgaris, thanks for jumping my way from Miss Comedy Goddess... she's a funny one.

Thanks for adding! No need to apologize, I appreciate it.

I love it when people say, "Wow I really like your blog--sorry I added you to my list of favorites." It's really the best kind of apology one could ever hear. 'I'm sorry you rock' is another fave. Hear *that* one a lot, LOL.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

What's up, chris hale--thanks for the link! My favorite thing was actually the 'Pickled Walnut' t-shirt with an actual picture of a pickled walnut next to it. Bizarre.

Jenny Blaesing said...

I have something that I need to give to you. Do you trust me? Email me your mailing address? I promise you won't regret it.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Uh.... I trust you. Will contact you on Facebook. :)

Anonymous said...

You missed the old cartoon of two pigs at the moment of mating with the caption of "Makin' Bacon" Must google it see if I can find.


Snotty McSnotterson said...

Sounds good! I, too, can Google. :)

Anonymous said...

I found it, check the Fizz blog, I used it there