Dec 22, 2008

The Polynesian Desk of Doom


















Earth to desk, come in desk....


My desk is on a 'snow day', and currently buckling under the weight of:

My computer, which is a mish-mash of electronic bits that were fused together with love by the Esq; it was my Christmas gift last year. He made it from scratch, which is how everything should be made. I named my computer after a Samoan goddess called Sina--pronounced Seena--who reminded me of me. Sina, in Polynesian folklore, is a lunar deity who kept an eel in a jar, but it soon grew into the eel-god, Tuna, who eventually tried to rape her (of course! because this is a story we tell our children!). The people of Upolo rescued her and sentenced him to death. At his request, she buried his head in the sand, and from that grew the first coconut palm.

Sina is the goddess of light, and is married to Marama, the god of night. She lives in the sky during the daytime, when her husband is not visible; they don't see each other often. She makes tapa (a type of cloth made from bark--my mom used to do this!), and hangs her tapa in the sky, affixing it with boulders. The tapas are clouds, and when they are finished, she takes them way and the boulders roll, causing it to thunder. She is also the goddess of fish, inventor of barkcloth, and creator of the island, Molokai. What, you don't think this sounds like me? A crazy artist who lives in the sky and creates thunder throughout the land? A girl with sketchy exes who loves eating the fishies? Bitch, please. Add in the Esq, aka THE GOD OF NIGHT, and that's me in a pinch.

Also on my desk:

Sweet Simplicity, a fruit desserts cookbook, written by Jacques Pepin; How to Be a Domestic Goddess, care of Britain's favorite non-model, Nigella Lawson; Professional Baking, an official pastry chef manual from South Seattle Community College; Sensational Cakes, a book featuring one of my favorite bakers, Sylvia Weinstock; and 500 Cupcakes, an adorable cupcake cookbook I received as a birthday present from my friend, Emma. I'm sensing a baking theme here.

And finally:

Notes, notes, and more notes. Photos of the Esq and I, all from the thinnest days of our relationship (also known as: The Beginning); a framed photo of my favorite cousin; torn-out advertisements that caught my eye in Wallpaper magazine; pinwheels; Hawaiian sea salt; an empty Blue Boar; headphones, Ipod, digital camera, busted cell phone; three rings (jewelery); a stack of business cards; "Mardi Gras" beads in a mason jar; power strip; an empty container; an empty water bottle; an empty vase; rubber bands and bobby pins by the thousands, THE THOUSANDS; Martha Stewart Weddings magazines; a Nintendo hat; three small paper plates with red writing on them; old burnable CD's; a quarter package of dry Top Ramen; one Ikea lamp; gum wrappers; one dried booger; and an uncapped bottle of cumin. Where did the cap go? And why is cumin sitting next to my mouse?


14 comments:

Furtive Flatulence said...

Buuuuuut no questions about the booger.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Newp. None.

Manthony said...

Bacon cupcakes.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

I won't respond to your deliciousness, Manthony. It just gets my hopes up.

matt said...

Quarter packet of Top Ramen? What is that, like a dime-bag of Japanese junk-food? Do you still have a full sachet of salty fravoring?

Snotty McSnotterson said...

How I make Top Ramen:

Heat up water. Break one package in half, open. Break other package in half, open; break one-half into two quarters. Munch on uncooked quarter and one salty flavoring while the rest goes in the water (without the flavoring). Drain until there is almost no water left; put unopened salty packet and remaining salty packet into pan so that it's REALLY REALLY salty. Eat.

So I was munching on a ramen-quarter the other night, and sat down at my computer while the other ramen was cooking. I set the quarter down, and then sneezed so hard, a huge boogie came flying out of my nose; it landed on the back of my hand. I went "EEE!" and shook my hand in the air like a sissy. The booger landed on top of my ramen quarter, and it's still sitting there. Mostly out of amusement and laziness.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

I meant the booger is amused, not I. I am lazy.

Buttercup said...

Our "desk" isn't even functional. It just has piles of crap on it and a dusty plant. Bascially I throw the bills on there as they come while muttering, "Yeah right...that's gonna get paid."

Buttercup said...

Also: How I make Top Ramen...

Boil water. Put seasoning in it. Eat one packet of Top Ramen dry while waiting and throw the seasoning away. When water is boiled, put entire brick in intact. Boil for approximately 45-60 seconds so that ramen is sufficently al dente and still in brick form. Remove from water. Eat. Throw useless broth away unless Julianna is home...then pour into mug and she will drink it like tea. Or if it is near dog feeding time, pour broth over dog food.

matt said...

*mouth hanging open*

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Buttercup, we are very similar in our Top Ramen adventures.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Matt... I'll interpret that wide-open mouth as delighted surprise.

matt said...

Sheer shock.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Or, surprising delight.