Dec 19, 2008

Pointless Questions, Pointless Answers

Sorry, guys, but today is kind of a re-post, which only affects the people who've been reading since the old Myspace blog. My cell phone decided to crap on my face today, and so I need to go take care of it--but wait, there's more! Thanks to the icy weather conditions, I will be walking to the nearest Sprint store, or taking a bus that will inevitably fall off a cliff. Of course I have no winter coat, scarf, shoes, or hat (the Esq has the hat today, we're sharing), so that's incredibly helpful. Hey, I'm fucking broke and unemployed, so there's no money for these things, and usually no reason to go outside of my apartment. On the bright side, two people told me secrets this week that I shouldn't really know--and that's freaking me out on many different levels. I threw a uterus-sized tantrum this morning, and I'm preparing for another one this afternoon; I'm a cold mess today.

I received an email from an old high school "friend", whom I haven't seen since graduation. The email read like my worst nightmare--the elements of her life, it seems, are what I've been avoiding my whole life (multiple cats, a best friend in Jesus, kids to homeschool, and country crafts)--and she asked me somewhat pointless questions (or maybe 'unanswerable'). 'What have you been up to for the past 14 years?' was one of my favorites, right next to 'What church do you attend in Seattle' and 'How many cats do you have?' 'Have you discovered the fun in scrapbooking yet?' was my very favorite one, because HAVE I EVER.

I'm okay with people finding me on Facebook now, mostly because I can ignore them if I choose. And I don't mind the 'What have you been up to?' questions, because I genuinely want to know what they're doing, too. But to summarize in a Facebook email all the things I've done in the past 14 years seems stupid, because wouldn't the first thing on the list be, "Kept the people who are closest to me in the loop about my daily life"? And sorry, you weren't on that list.

I was asked the same question a while back, and I actually answered it in an old blog posting. The answers haven't changed, so I'm re-posting it for the people who keep on asking:

What has Snotty been doing for the past 14 years?

*I did a lot of drugs, and it was probably fun but I don't remember.
*I shacked up with a bunch of unworthy buttholes with sketchy employment situations.
*I had baby mama drama and moved away from my offspring.
*I went to beauty school, moved to Seattle, and went to rehab, all in the same fruitful year.
*I had a string of crappy jobs that didn't pay the bills.
*I buried myself in an Everest-like mountain of debt.
*I started college nineteen times only to drop out later.
*I found a cat and then, because he was unlovable and terrible, gave him away.
*I did the same thing with my ex-husband.
*I moved 500 times.
*I created shallow friendships with idiotic, self-involved people.
*I gained 60 pounds through a dedicated program of constant carb overload.
*I did a lot of emo eye-rolling.
*I went to a Scissor Sisters concert.
*I bought some clothes in varying sizes.
*My grandparents died.
*I saw scat porn for the first time.
*Sean Nelson gave me his record player.
*I met a nice guy named Justin.
*I started a blog.
*I learned to love old school country music.
*I re-discovered Dr. Mario.
*I found I have a thing for robots.
*I voted for Barack Obama.

Other than that, though, nothing much has happened in the last 14 years. But thanks for asking.


LilRed said...

I really think "Sandwich Artist" needs to be spelled out. And that you made friends with some really awesome people too. :)

Now I'm curious who you emailed of the many reasons I keep delaying my Facebook entry.

Sangster said...

I think you lead a fascinating life. Especially since Sean Nelson gave you his record player.

Manthony said...

I just had someone ask me on Facebook last week what I'd been up to for the past 12 years and your solution of offering an itemized and bullet-pointed list seems like a great idea.

As for those questions she asked about cats, church, and scrapbooking, it might be best if you just lied to her. She sounds awfully sheltered and it could cause her irreparable harm to break her little bubble. You could say something like, "Allergies prevent me from owning cats, Jesus and I had a long lunch yesterday, and scrapbooks are grrrrrrreat!"

Snotty McSnotterson said...

LilRed, I'm sure you meant to say, "CERTIFIED SANDWICH ARTIST"... I was CERTIFIED.

I did meet some awesome people in that time, and you were one of them (although "met" isn't exactly accurate). And the person in question is older than me, I don't know if you know her.

Snotty McSnotterson said...


Well, ever since he gave me that record player, I've gotten more joy from that than I ever did from him. That being said, he was always nice--nice enough to give me the record player, right?--and then I never heard from him again. Well, six months later, I guess. :)

I guess I was paving the way for some real rock stars, like Tom Morello. Or Jon Auer, even. Or Tiny Tim.

Apologies for the snarkiness; I'm in a bad mood today. I have no problems with Sean, anymore.

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahahahahaha you feckin rack.


Snotty McSnotterson said...

You fucking rock, too, bud.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Manthony, I laughed. out. loud.

DUDE. Cats, church, and scrapbooking? There's nothing wrong with these things, except they go against EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN.

How about I say, 'Jesus told me that cats are the wards of Satan and scrapbooking is a sin.'

Buttercup said...

I fucking love Dr. Mario.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Buttercup: if you're any good at Dr. Mario, then you have met your match.

Oh, not me. Justin. Watching him play Dr. Mario is *amazing*.

matt said...

If I may?

*You've pissed off 32,491 Christian fundamentalist nutjobs.

*You've done your part to keep Blogger in business.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Thank you, Matt. I'm just trying to humbly do my part.

MichelleB said...

I love it!...I learned more about you, and was reminded of the time I went to rehab...and it got snowed out...yessss!!

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Nice, I didn't realize we had that in common. :) I love the snow!

Marko said...

You are hilarious! Maybe I should do a list too.

Anonymous said...

Snotty, you just changed my life...
Interesting became boring. I'm gonna have to think about that.

btw, who's Dr Mario?


matt said...


Snotty McSnotterson said...

Argentum: you are missing out on all that is good and holy in a game like Dr. Mario.