Oct 28, 2008
Above: Being alone is nice.
I remembered today why I love/hate being friends with people: cliques always shift, and sometimes it's more of a balancing act just to stay friends than clip the string and say PEACE OUT BITCHES. I love everyone in my apartment building, except for Supremo Poopyshit Bitchface, but that comes as no surprise. Everyone else has something to offer by way of connection, entertainment, and fun. Our apartment building was crazy fun this summer, but then, you know--we got to know each other.
Still love everyone, still hang with people when I can. But much like being in a big stinky (or creepy) family, and always wanting solitude, that's how the apartment building is sometimes; or rather, that's how I feel occasionally. And just like siblings, spats are bound to happen, feelings might get hurt, people break away--or, in some cases, you see a person for who they really are and go, weren't you perfectly normal just two weeks ago? Is your cerebral cortex on a fucking VACATION? Sometimes you need a break from the world, even if it's just the immediate one around you.
That being said, there is a pumpkin-carving party at our building tonight, and I will be participating. But I do have reservations, because the connections between everyone are tenuous, at best. We've got a couple of dudes who are way into each other (not gay, just platonic life partners who have the same interests IN EVERYTHING), a quiet gal, a Cancer, the two of us, a cat lady, and two kooky nutjobs who embody the word "interesting". Then there's Bitchface, who is not invited, and some cool people in the building adjacent to ours. It's a very diverse crew, so of course 'universally getting along' is going to be a challenge, but I'm up for it--I just have to figure out everybody's new crew. It's like, #4 used to hang out with #8 but now #8 is better friends with #3 and #5 is ignoring #7 but the couple in #2 are mad at #5 and #1 hates us all. That's not actually representative of our building (except #1), but loyalties ebb and flow; one week you're hanging with Sonya from Apartment #6, the next week she's sleeping with Joe in Apartment #4 and so you move on to Sally in Apartment #9, and hope it works out. Everything is constantly shifting--and during that shift, everyone hangs out together until you figure out which ones are Your Kind Of People. I found some people here in this building, and others out in the world, so I can't be here all the time. But I still love living in a building where I know people; total obscurity does not work for me. I guess I'll count my blessings for now. FOR NOW.
Of course, I've sent a ton of text messages out to people from the building and have gotten NADA back, so who knows what my friend situation is like these days. PS I HATE IT WHEN YOU DON'T TEXT ME BACK. I AM NOT A MIND READER.
[RADWORDS]: FRIENDSHIP, POOP, CAT LADY, CEREBRAL CORTEX, PUMPKINS.