How to Be Merry and Gay

I forgot my phone at home yesterday; I realized it just as I was arriving at work. The blind panic and rolling depression I experienced all day can be attributed to that. It surprised and dismayed me, to say the least--I felt like I'd accidentally forgotten my right foot at home. How do you operate without a foot that is normally very much there? I had to use a land line to call the Esq. A land line. I felt like I was suddenly deaf or something--just woke up, got dressed, left the house, and went deaf. My poor little fingers were fidgeting all day; air-texting, I guess. Hello, my name is Loser.

Work is okay. There's a couple of girls there I really like at work, and the rest of them are pleasant. But I'm sticking to the plan. No getting crazy involved, because that just leads to 'crazy', and I have had enough of that this month. I have had it up to here with *me*. Between hormonal bouts of rage, non-stop sobbing, gorgeous weather while I'm working and not seeing the Esq much, I am a hot fucking mess. So much change at once is overwhelming to me, and overwhelmed I have been. I hate starting new jobs--the introvert in me rises above all of my other personalities and attacks. I feel like a Samoan turtle.

Had a nice dinner with the Esq's parents and a gaggle of women. I would have said they were a plethora of women, but no--it was a gaggle. You just have to meet them to understand, believe me. The Esq's sister is great, her BFF is a character (which is a hard word to attribute to people because you can't hear the tone, so it's hard to decipher if 'character' is positive or negative, much like the word 'interesting'), and the other two are amusing. My favorite thing to say about Courtney and Juliana is that they are the most lesbiany lesbians promoting lesbianism to non-lesbians around the world. If my son ever said, "Mom--what's a lesbian?" I would point at them and say, "Observe, my child." Dogs and cats, check; Storm games, check; rainbow wristbands, check; equality bumpersticker, check; hypochondria, check. I love it. I never went to a Storm game when I was playing for the other team; guess that's why it didn't stick. But it was certainly was *interesting*.