Oct 29, 2008

Social Networking Replaces Actual Socializing




























I finally succumbed to Facebook, although I'm not very happy about it. I signed up a long time ago, and half-heartedly checked in every week or so, but never really gave much thought to my page design or photos. Now that it's all legit, though, I've posted real pics and tried to make it look less Facebook-y, IN VAIN. I thought it was going to be just another social networking tool that I could half-ignore, but I spend more time on Facebook than I do on Myspace now. And don't even get me started on Myspace, that disease-riddled whore; I'm thinking of re-naming it MyInterventionSpace. It's definitely the place your parents will head to when they need evidence for your future drug counselors, if you even have a future. God help you if you're a beauty queen with no foresight into your own future: if A, then B. Like, if I win this nationally-televised beauty pageant, then I should consider taking down the pictures of me sitting on that bartender's face while funneling a bottle of Jim Beam into my wide-open, underage mouth. 'Common sense' seems to be the only thing lacking in these pageants lately; well, that and all ladylike conduct befitting of a pageant winner. Didn't seem to hurt Vanessa Williams, though. I'm just saying.

I really wish that all of the people I've ever met could have a social networking symposium and just agree on a gameplan already: risk an outbreak together at Myspace
, or get an unidentifiable rash from all those Facebook applications. For those with commitment issues, brand loyalty, or short attention spans, they can follow us on Twitter. None of these options sound healthy or viable to me, and yet I'm spending hours a week ON ALL THREE. I am personally redefining the word 'winner' to mean something closer to ' the thing that fails'.

I don't blame the creators of these websites for the pajamas I've worn for two days in a row, or the way my eyes flinch at the first hint of sunlight through the window. I'm just saying: at some point you will make it easier on me and plant a microchip into the back of my neck, so I can then log in and out internally rather than waste time on my computer. Shoot it directly into my bloodstream; we have the technology.

[RADWORDS]: FACEBOOK, MYSPACE, TWITTER, HERPES, HARMONY.


8 comments:

matt said...

When Facebook hosts a place for (never-to-be-signed-) bands to actually have an artistic life (for free!) then I will jump ship like a suicidal rat. Or a lemming. Or a Fleming.

Told Whoreleen about the Ray LaMontagne comment, and she laughed for about two minutes. My beard has gotten even longer [since that picture], so the comment is even more accurate. I checked.
Oh, and now my profile banner adds are all like "but Ray Lamontagne!" so thanks for that...

Manthony said...

I'm thinking of breaking up with MySpace. It doesn't seem to make as much sense for my lifestyle since I gave up on heavy drinking a couple years ago. Facebook still doesn't make sense to me though. I mean, I can navigate my way around it and all, but I still don't entirely understand why I'm supposed to want to. Maybe I'm just getting old. Soon I'll be yelling at those damn kids who keep writing grafitti on my SuperWall or something.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Well, you DO look like him now. From very far away. Also, you're welcome.

konichiwa, bitches. said...

i always hated facebook, but i definitely spend more time on it than myspace now. Why? Because my computer can only take so much advertising and overheats when I'm on myspace for longer than twenty minutes. I'll be on the computer for hours, but as soon as I log into myspace, it crashes.

that makes me sad and mad, because i really did like myspace. alas, no more.

Michelle Auer said...

I started with Friendster and gave that up for Myspace, but I don't imagine I will give it up for Facebook. I really tried to like Facebook, but it is like someone tried to take an ADD child's brain and map it out on the screen and call it fun. I don't enjoy it at all. It took me 20 minutes to try to figure out how to change my profile photo and I never could. That was the last time I signed in.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

I think Friendster was my first account, too--then Livejournal, Xanga, Myspace, Vox, Blogger, Wordpress, Twitter, Facebook... GAAAAAAAAAH MAKE IT STOP.

I don't like Facebook's layout; I just like that it's a little more serious, and people can't put too many glittery Flash fairies on their page that says "PORN STAR" in cursive letters. And while I love music, I like that music is absent from FB right now. I get spammed too much on MS to care about friending musicians anymore.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Manthony: I'm thinking of breaking up with MS, too. Maybe we can do it together, and be like, IT'S NOT YOU IT'S ME. I'm also considering moving to another country and pretending like I don't NEED the internet.

Konichiwa: Mine crashes, too! And that is another reason I don't like MS anymore. Or any social networking site, really. Well, I like Twitter.

MichelleB said...

I actually gave up Facebook last week. I even put up a pic with my back turned as if I was walking away and NEVER turning back EVER again! A couple of days later I deleted my account. Wow! What a sigh of relief it was, I felt as if I was experiencing the last day of high school all over again.

Then I remembered, your account isn't really deleted now is it? They store all your info and more and make it rather easy to come back to your already set up profile...hmmm how nice.


Yesssss...I'm back on facebook again....whyyyyyy?!:)