Oct 29, 2008
I finally succumbed to Facebook, although I'm not very happy about it. I signed up a long time ago, and half-heartedly checked in every week or so, but never really gave much thought to my page design or photos. Now that it's all legit, though, I've posted real pics and tried to make it look less Facebook-y, IN VAIN. I thought it was going to be just another social networking tool that I could half-ignore, but I spend more time on Facebook than I do on Myspace now. And don't even get me started on Myspace, that disease-riddled whore; I'm thinking of re-naming it MyInterventionSpace. It's definitely the place your parents will head to when they need evidence for your future drug counselors, if you even have a future. God help you if you're a beauty queen with no foresight into your own future: if A, then B. Like, if I win this nationally-televised beauty pageant, then I should consider taking down the pictures of me sitting on that bartender's face while funneling a bottle of Jim Beam into my wide-open, underage mouth. 'Common sense' seems to be the only thing lacking in these pageants lately; well, that and all ladylike conduct befitting of a pageant winner. Didn't seem to hurt Vanessa Williams, though. I'm just saying.
I really wish that all of the people I've ever met could have a social networking symposium and just agree on a gameplan already: risk an outbreak together at Myspace, or get an unidentifiable rash from all those Facebook applications. For those with commitment issues, brand loyalty, or short attention spans, they can follow us on Twitter. None of these options sound healthy or viable to me, and yet I'm spending hours a week ON ALL THREE. I am personally redefining the word 'winner' to mean something closer to ' the thing that fails'.
I don't blame the creators of these websites for the pajamas I've worn for two days in a row, or the way my eyes flinch at the first hint of sunlight through the window. I'm just saying: at some point you will make it easier on me and plant a microchip into the back of my neck, so I can then log in and out internally rather than waste time on my computer. Shoot it directly into my bloodstream; we have the technology.
[RADWORDS]: FACEBOOK, MYSPACE, TWITTER, HERPES, HARMONY.