Sodomy & Atheism

Halloween approaches, so it's time to get your pumpkin patch on. We went to our first Halloween party last night--the Ookie Spookie Pumpkin-Carving Party at Colleen and Randy's--and it was outstanding; stuff got broken, brains were eaten, a good time was had. We watched Kung Fu Hustle (which is in my Top 10), and Battle Royale, which is probably the best idea for a movie EVER. I need to download it so I can see the whole thing, but as I understand it, there's a bunch of Japanese kids who are kidnapped and put on an island to kill each other, and whoever is left standing at the end wins. What that person wins, I do not know: a trophy? a lifetime of therapy? a cocaine problem? Anyways, that's the premise. What's not to like? Sounds like the average high school experience to me. Sometimes I just need a crazy movie filled with killing and/or dying; I also like Bollywood movies and chick flicks, so if I could find some type of hybrid between these genres, that would be awesome: killing, killing, killing, dying...then a choreographed number with singing Indians and super swami bling...and then Susan Sarandon gets cancer and dies. Can you say, "I'd like to thank the Academy?" Because that movie formula is OSCAR-WINNING GOLD.

Our next Halloween celebration takes place next weekend, and is being hosted by Yours Truly. I say 'hosted' very loosely, though; don't think I'm going to feed you, because if there's one thing this economy has taught me, it's that food is overrated, just like rent and bills and John McCain. We're still deciding between seeing Better Off Dead at The Egyptian (midnight showing) and the Flashlight Corn Maze at the South 47 Farm on the eastside; right now, I'm leaning towards the corn maze, because it might be spooky! It's cheaper and dorkier, too, which I think is more complementary to my cheap and dorky personality. Whoreleen and I are going to check out the place today, so I'll update on that later.

After that, our building is throwing a party in the back alley next week, and like anything that happens in a back alley--abortions, meth deals, sodomy, and death--I am totally there. I only hope the Halloween party can live up to the hype; I don't know where 'pumpkin-carving' and 'neighborly fun' falls on the back alley list. Somewhere between sodomy and death, I guess, although the two seem related in a way.

The Halloween party we're attending on Halloween is a costume party, and I am so excited to dress up! I've never gone as a 'couple' before--like Romeo & Juliet or Tristan & Isolde--and we thought it would be fun. We started out thinking small--The Gatekeeper and The Keymaster from Ghostbusters, Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf--and then started to expand the word 'couple' to include things that weren't exactly in a relationship--Lt. Jim Dangle and Raineesha Williams from Reno 911, the Unibomber and his manifesto (I wanted to be the manifesto). Then my parents broke out this vintage, authentic, Russian military dress uniform--complete with Lenin pins and everything--that fit the Esq perfectly; they gifted it to him, knowing he would uphold the ideals and traditions of Russian Communists everywhere. Most people know he has an interest in the Commies--you only have to look at his well-loved t-shirt featuring the North Vietnam flag; he's even been compared to a Commie during a few of our heated arguments (and also a Republican). So naturally, his costume is: COMMUNISM. And that is how we came to our final costume conclusions: we are all going as -ISMS. Whoreleen is still thinking about hers, but I'm going as Atheism and I think the Esq's sister might be going as Hedonism; she's lucky to be under 25, because she's still young enough to fulfill Halloween's other prophecy: dressing as slutty as possible. I don't know what I'm going to do, probably just have a sign that says "Oh no, He di'int." Hee.

[RADWORDS]: PARIS HILTON, SLUT, COMMUNISM, NORTH VIETNAM, SODOMY