Sep 20, 2008

The Business We Are Attending To

Photo: I seeeeee yooou.

Business first:

I need a graphic designer/web page rehabilitator (is this a word?)/Jack or Jill-of-all-things-HTML to help me with my website. Obama screamed CHANGE and I am taking that to heart quite literally; I want to change the blog. Not the content--of which there is none, I've just tricked you people into loyalty on the merits of my finely-crafted bullshit--but EVERYTHING ELSE. I know exactly what I want, but do not possess the programming talents to make it a reality (I'm all about the basic HTML and NO FLASH; Flash-animated webpages are to Snotty as strobe lights are to PTSD). I would prefer someone who can at least give me an overview of what they're doing, so if they die the day after completing the webpage, I can at least hold my own until finding a suitable replacement. It's time to take this website for a spin. If you know someone--or you are that someone--email me ( so we can talk branding and compensation. I hope you like being paid in cupcakes--or if you've always wanted to sleep with an adorable lawyer under the age of 30, I might be able to work something out.

Pleasure last:

More importantly, if you haven't tried out the Sarah Palin Name Generator, I suggest you go right now. Just type in your first name, and you will get YOUR Palin family name (or, the weird name she might have picked for you, had you been unfortunately born into her family). My name was Block Lionel Palin. Justin was Stag Tonnage Palin. My son, Oren, was Goalie Sanka Palin. Sarah's children have names like Trig, Track, Bristol, Willow, and Piper; it's like the shows Charmed and Buffy the Vampire Slayer met up with Northern Exposure and had a Wiccan baby. I entered the name 'Track' into the name generator, and what I got was: Meat Notgay Palin. Bristol was Strangle Thicket Palin. And Sarah herself was Claw Washout Palin. That would be a good nickname for her: The Claw. In related and yet totally unrelated news, I saw that some of my Facebook friends joined the 'I have more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin' group, and that made me LOL. And then I joined.

And an extra added bonus:

And thanks to Manthony for somehow finding my new favorite page on the dubya-dubya-dubya: FUCKED-UP BARBIE JEWELRY, YES YES YESSSSS. I told the Esq I would accept a creepy Ken doll ring as an engagement ring someday, only because 1) THEY ROCK, and 2) it would certainly be original. With a capital 'O', as in OH MY GOD THAT RING FUCKING RULES, YOU WEIRDO.


Manthony said...

You can see some of that creepy Barbie jewelry at Facere in the City Centre building (across from Julep downtown!!!) tucked under the escalators on the first floor if you need to experience it in person. Their website is offering some pieces so I assume they have it on the premises too.

And there has been so much attention paid to Palin's lack of foreign policy experience, but how much time has she spent in various parts of the United States? Does she know anything about California or Texas or the South or New England? Is she ready to lead the WHOLE U.S.?

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Hey! She has SINGLE-HANDEDLY kept Russia from invading Alaska. That's important.

Oh my God, your Palin name is PLOP HERO PALIN.


matt said...

Them Barbie jewlery's amazing shit. How much do i wish i had come up with that? I've actually seen them freaky-ass dolls made into all sorts of things before, but that chick's designs are flat-out amazing! The butt-brooch defies all expectation...

LilRed said...

My name is Wood Corps Palin!

I am an Army for Foresty.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

HahahahahahahahahahaYES! Wood Corps Palin will definitely be a hit in Nashville!