May 3, 2008
Movies I wish I had seen but have no interest in seeing now:
Babe. I like my pig frying in a pan, not adorably teaching me obvious life lessons.
The Godfather. Scream all you want, Scorcese fans (or should I say "men")--it may be the greatest film of all time, but I'm also completely over it. If it makes you feel better, I read the book. It was good, overall.
Cheech & Chong. Anything involving these two has to rob you of I.Q. points.
Jaws. I've seen enough of it to know that I don't need to see all of it.
Platoon. War movies are all the same, and I always know the ending, because I was bored to death by every depressing detail in high school history class.
The Pianist. I know it won a lot of Oscars; I don't care. Watching a thin man get thinner and thinner is not my idea of a good time, no matter how good his intentions.
Gladiator. It's a boy movie, about homoerotic boys fighting other boys in skirts. Plus, Russell Crowe--gross.
The Passion of the Christ. After hearing about the gratuitous violence--done to Jesus and for Jesus--I decided to pass; the fact that Jesus and I are frenemies matters little. As Joshy said, it's basically two hours of Jesus getting his ass kicked. I also have little to no respect for Mel Gibson, which leads us to...
Braveheart. The title alone, much like The Lion King, kept me away from this one; Mel Gibson starring in it was just icing on the cake.
Caddyshack. Now this is one that I might consider watching, if I was in the right mood and had the right snacks. Chevy Chase is a hit or miss for me, so I'll know in the first ten minutes of the movie. For now, though, it's a low priority.
Footloose. Nothing pleases me less than dancing hicks, Kevin Bacon, and the 80's; I hear this movie includes all three. No thanks.
Casablanca. The Casablanca I have in my head, from years of build-up through literature and film, can't possibly compare to the Casablanca made so long ago. I know it's a classic, but I think I'm going to pass. Same goes for Citizen Kane.
The Shining. Too scary and I don't like pooping my pants.