May 3, 2008

Pooping for Jesus

Movies I wish I had seen but have no interest in seeing now:

Babe. I like my pig frying in a pan, not adorably teaching me obvious life lessons.

The Godfather. Scream all you want, Scorcese fans (or should I say "men")--it may be the greatest film of all time, but I'm also completely over it. If it makes you feel better, I read the book. It was good, overall.

Cheech & Chong. Anything involving these two has to rob you of I.Q. points.

Jaws. I've seen enough of it to know that I don't need to see all of it.

Platoon. War movies are all the same, and I always know the ending, because I was bored to death by every depressing detail in high school history class.

The Pianist. I know it won a lot of Oscars; I don't care. Watching a thin man get thinner and thinner is not my idea of a good time, no matter how good his intentions.

Gladiator. It's a boy movie, about homoerotic boys fighting other boys in skirts. Plus, Russell Crowe--gross.

The Passion of the Christ. After hearing about the gratuitous violence--done to Jesus and for Jesus--I decided to pass; the fact that Jesus and I are frenemies matters little. As Joshy said, it's basically two hours of Jesus getting his ass kicked. I also have little to no respect for Mel Gibson, which leads us to...

Braveheart. The title alone, much like The Lion King, kept me away from this one; Mel Gibson starring in it was just icing on the cake.

Caddyshack. Now this is one that I might consider watching, if I was in the right mood and had the right snacks. Chevy Chase is a hit or miss for me, so I'll know in the first ten minutes of the movie. For now, though, it's a low priority.

Footloose. Nothing pleases me less than dancing hicks, Kevin Bacon, and the 80's; I hear this movie includes all three. No thanks.

Casablanca. The Casablanca I have in my head, from years of build-up through literature and film, can't possibly compare to the Casablanca made so long ago. I know it's a classic, but I think I'm going to pass. Same goes for Citizen Kane.

The Shining. Too scary and I don't like pooping my pants.


Michelle Auer said...

Aw, man. The Godfather is one of my all time favorite movies. The rest of them, I pretty much agree with, but The Godfather... I watch all three at least once a year. (I kind of hate the 3rd one because of Sophia and her lack of acting skills, but I still watch it.) I used to be in a club that would get together and disect the movies while drinking red wine and eating Italian food. Yup. I am THAT musch of a nerd. :-)

Snotty McSnotterson said...

As Peter Griffin says in The Family Guy, "It insists upon itself, Lois. It insists upon itself." I'm sure I'll see it sometime, but it has to be the right circumstances. Plus, I read the book! That kind of counts! :)

FreNeTic said...

I haven't had a clue what to get you for your birthday!


madhouse 6 said...

i was in love with you until that russell crowe diss..

boo hiss.

other than that i think i still dig you.