Apr 9, 2008

The Business of Being Snotty

Photo: The snottiest card in the biz.

People always talk about keeping your business and personal lives separate, but it's never worked for me. As a writer (blogger, shyster, panderer), I write about everything from work problems (Ex#1: Work rocks! Ex#2: Work sucks!) to relationship problems (Ex#1: My man rocks! Ex#2: My man sucks!) to self-esteem problems (The only example: I suck). I've written about my boyfriend's sex drive, my private area smelling like bologna (happened twice), my opinion on vegetables, and pain in all forms, mostly emotional. It takes a lot of work to display my life without professional lighting or accent walls. So therefore, I am a business. I'm in the business of being me--and since writing is the only thing I like to do on a daily basis (not true; I also like "doing nothing"), I have ordered my calling cards from cheapo VistaPrint (fancy letterpress ones to come once my bank account is on board); I get sick of having business cards that tote the business I happen to work at, rather than a card filled with the relevant information of what I love to do, and if I like snacks or not. So that is what I have done, which you can obviously see here. Oprah, what.

Let me just get this out of the way, so that it's clear for all to see: had I a book to peddle to the masses, I would absolutely sell out on Oprah, for two solid-gold, American reasons:

1. Profit.
2. Mom.

Come on, if you had the chance to take your mom to see Oprah--and you knew she would love it (enough so your stock as her kid rose quickly, above all of your other unworthy siblings)--you'd do it, too. Plus it would be a good blog later on, me on Oprah.

Studies have shown that if your product (whether it's you, your book, or your business) is seen on the Oprah Winfrey show, your sales increase by 30% the very next day; I think this is incorrect. I think it's more like 330%. And that's my goal, a 330% increased interest in my blog. Is that so much to ask?


Manthony said...

Snacks rule!!!!! Oprah drools. (But who hasn't?)

FreNeTic said...

Then there's a sex change, going preggers, THEN having your mom join you on the Oprah. Would that earn you the same # of points?

I'm sold on the business cards. Investigating....


Snotty McSnotterson said...

Investigating sex change...