Apr 18, 2008

Accolades for the Esq

Photo: The Esq being mauled by a giant bear.

A list of reasons why my boyfriend rocks harder than your boyfriend ever will:

1. He makes us a yummy lunch and brings it to my work so we can eat together, pretty much every day. (Honorable mention: bringing any number of things to me at work in an emergency, ie; tampons, comfortable shoes, cell phone charger, crystal meth, midget hookers--you name it, he'll bring it)

2. He saves the purple SweetTarts for me--the only flavor I like--in a pile by my computer. (Me: "You're sweet!" Him: "And tart!")

3. When I say babies, he says 'Jonathan Swift' or 'delicious!' (My official stance on babies is: "great with the right dipping sauce".)

4. He is a Scorpio--clever, powerful, and vengeance-friendly--and Scorpios are apparently ruled by the pelvis, which I found on more than 20 websites. But I didn't say it; the experts did.

5. He sneaks onto my computer and leaves stuff like this lying around for no reason.

6. He laughs at most of my tasteless (read: racist) jokes, and makes me do this hyena-hiccup hybrid laugh when he tells them right back.

7. He doesn't let me win when we play video games, which is important--I want to kick his nerdy ass on my own merits, thank you.

8. He makes a nice dinner for me when I've had a crappy day; solid food is the way to my heart. Other sweet, crappy-day things he does: rubs my feet, takes me out for breakfast, leaves me a card (letterpress only, the other way to my heart), says all the right things when I'm a weepy hot mess, and all the other Scorpio traits that made him a catch to begin with.

9. He turns down the bass on his music when I'm home, since I'm an old lady with sensitive ear issues. *cries* Honorable mention: he would never think of me as an old lady, which is nice.

10. He is always the perfect host at parties. And when I compare him to Hitler, he doesn't take offense. And he likes my cupcakes.

There are many more reasons to love the Esq--millions, even--but today, these are my favorites.


Manthony said...

He sneaks on your computer and leaves you inspirational messages?!?!?!

Snotty McSnotterson said...

I know. I thought he just went on my computer to check for porn.

WenigGluckliches said...

Lucky you!

Tho, he probably thinks he's pretty lucky too.

Bree said...


Snotty McSnotterson said...

Juicy all over yer ass.