Photo: The Esq being mauled by a giant bear.
A list of reasons why my boyfriend rocks harder than your boyfriend ever will:
1. He makes us a yummy lunch and brings it to my work so we can eat together, pretty much every day. (Honorable mention: bringing any number of things to me at work in an emergency, ie; tampons, comfortable shoes, cell phone charger, crystal meth, midget hookers--you name it, he'll bring it)
2. He saves the purple SweetTarts for me--the only flavor I like--in a pile by my computer. (Me: "You're sweet!" Him: "And tart!")
3. When I say babies, he says 'Jonathan Swift' or 'delicious!' (My official stance on babies is: "great with the right dipping sauce".)
4. He is a Scorpio--clever, powerful, and vengeance-friendly--and Scorpios are apparently ruled by the pelvis, which I found on more than 20 websites. But I didn't say it; the experts did.
5. He sneaks onto my computer and leaves stuff like this lying around for no reason.
6. He laughs at most of my tasteless (read: racist) jokes, and makes me do this hyena-hiccup hybrid laugh when he tells them right back.
7. He doesn't let me win when we play video games, which is important--I want to kick his nerdy ass on my own merits, thank you.
8. He makes a nice dinner for me when I've had a crappy day; solid food is the way to my heart. Other sweet, crappy-day things he does: rubs my feet, takes me out for breakfast, leaves me a card (letterpress only, the other way to my heart), says all the right things when I'm a weepy hot mess, and all the other Scorpio traits that made him a catch to begin with.
9. He turns down the bass on his music when I'm home, since I'm an old lady with sensitive ear issues. *cries* Honorable mention: he would never think of me as an old lady, which is nice.
10. He is always the perfect host at parties. And when I compare him to Hitler, he doesn't take offense. And he likes my cupcakes.
There are many more reasons to love the Esq--millions, even--but today, these are my favorites.