Jun 4, 2008

Washington+Weather=Moving Day

Photo: My friend, my nemesis.

It's been a long, poopy day of rain and rain with a side of rain; I'd like to give a shout-out to the Washington summer that apparently passed us by last week. I look forward to another three warm days in the first week of August--see you then!

I'm one of those finicky weather people; I'm the worst. My internal rules about the weather and its conditions look like this:

-Extreme heat (85 degrees or higher--I know, I'm a wimp) should wait until I drop 40 pounds; I don't care how many years it has to wait.
-Air conditioning should magically appear whenever I feel the need for it.
-Anything over 75 degrees should be accompanied by a light, continuous ocean breeze. If I'm landlocked in the Midwest, the Midwest should accommodate my needs accordingly.
-Rain should be warm, and only drop from the sky in a vertical pattern; cold rain or rain that attacks you from all sides should be outlawed.
-Standing under a leafy tree canopy should keep you dry, no matter what. Enormous ninja raindrops should not ambush your head and neck whenever they feel like it. It's rude.
-Mud should not exist. If it insists on existing, it should wait until I'm not wearing overpriced, dry-clean only outfits. I would say the same for white pants, but I'm not the type of girl who wears white pants; I'm not a hockey fan.
-Direct sun on the face is fine under 72 degrees, otherwise I may break a sweat, and that is unacceptable. If I could afford an assistant to follow me around with a parasol, I would.
-Snow should come on days that you don't have to work, but your kids do.
-Hail is for heathens. That's probably why I see a lot of it.
-Frolicking in the sun is optional.

I want what I want when I want it. That's my weather philosophy, and my philosophy about everything else. Rain is for the birds; I long for it when it's too hot, and loathe it when I'm imprisoned by it. Meh. At least the building flowers are getting some action on our Deck of Doom.

Back to the job hunt....


barbjensen said...

Well said! I couldn't agree more, especially about the assistant with the parasol. Oh, yeah, and the rain that attacks from all sides.
Do hockey fans wear white pants? I didn't know that.

Snotty McSnotterson said...

Well, "easy girls" wear white pants, and they certainly go to hockey games.