Never Say Never

Photo: I have questions.












Thanks to my red-headed BFF, I found the site Big Big Question yesterday, and I love it. The registration was a little wonky, so I just copied a bunch of their sample questions to answer at my leisure--and since I'm constricted by time and laziness today, those questions shall be answered right now. Feel free to answer them at will, or check out the site--you can submit your own questions, too.

If you could ask one question, big or small, of (your preferred, for this exercise, conception of) God, and get a straight, thorough answer, what would it be? Why that question?

My question: Why do people think you're such a big deal? Please cite specific examples.

What unreasonable change would you make to the world?

I would "be the change I want to see in the world" and usurp the mighty Oprah through any means necessary. The time has come.

What's the vacation you wish you were taking?

World travel is wonderful, but I wish we were heading to our family beach cabin on the Oregon coast. My favorite vacation includes my sweetheart, a stack of books, a Jacuzzi tub, digging my toes in the sand, clam chowder and crab leg feasts, kite-flying, whale-watching, a trip to the salt water taffy shop, sleeping in, scenic drives, picnics, and bonfires on the beach.

Is there anything for which you do not have a price?

Anything that has to do with my kid, my private parts, or forsaking carbohydrates; all of those things are off-limits.

What advancement has spoiled you? (Not limited to tech toys and gadgets; it could be social, political, or anything you could imagine. If pressed for a definition of “recent”, I would say “within 10 years of your date of birth”; so, within your own lifetime, or close to it.)

Crack cocaine and spell-check.

See also: Wikipedia, text messaging, vaporizers, and the IUD.

What thing should everyone own, but most people don't?

Balls, literal or figurative.

Whence your personal language peeves? (What are your language / grammar / usage / paralinguistic peeves? And where did you pick them up? Do you remember when any specific bit of usage first began to drive you crazy — or when you first stopped taking it so seriously.)

Sometimes it's necessary for me to end a sentence with a preposition, in order for the sentence to work; that doesn't mean I like it. <--!!! I also hate how we went from saying 'Oh my God!' and 'OMG!' to writing 'OH EM GEE'. Newsflash: spelling out an acronym defeats the acronym's sole purpose and reason for being. You're putting perfectly nice acronyms out of work, each and every one of you.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He didn't have a reason not to.

What were you going to be when you grew up?

Madonna's back-up singer, Woody Allen's therapist, Queen Elizabeth's ghostwriter, Darth Maul's wife, The Mob's drug dealer.

Apparently I was going to be the someone behind the someone destined for greatness.

What advice is worse than worthless?

"Buy high, sell low."
"You'll never need an umbrella in Seattle."
"You should read Marmaduke; it's a really good cartoon."

What are you always recommending?

The transcendent tapas at Seattle restaurant * tidbit *, the tap-worthy tunes of Hot Chip, my boyfriend's sense of humor, regular pedicures, and the Business Time video from Flight of the Conchords.

What were you NEVER going to do?

Get married, get divorced, have kids, do drugs, oral sex, drop out of college, gain weight, cry in public, date a girl, karaoke, go back to the spa industry, watch 'the fights', become a vegetarian, get arrested, date a younger man, quit smoking, do yoga, consume salad, turn into a nerd, or own a bathing suit.

Oh look, I've done them all.

Suicide by inaction?

That's the only way to go.